01 Luxembourg
B: I like the idea of someone telling you “...sans raison / Des choses qu’on ne dit pas sans raison”.
A: I can’t believe this is from the same composer and lyricist as Parlez-vouz français! Listen to that echoey ’80s production, like it was recorded in a stadium. It’s one of those typical power ballads of the era that sounds like it’s deliberately reining itself in for emotional effect. ABBA would be proud of the first couple of lines of that chorus though; either that or take them to court for barely disguised plagiarism. The male backing vocals sound very lazy.
V: She might be Canadian, but she’s no Celine Dion. Her French accent is awful. I’m very appreciative of the live arrangement giving the song a bit more atmosphere than the wispiness of the studio version.
02 Yugoslavia
B: “Sve me boli od tebe” – I know how that feels, love.
A: They’re all for backing vocals with no concept of subtlety, aren’t they? Nice guitar break adding to an otherwise fairly spartan composition. I can’t think of anything else to say about it other than that the whole point of this song seems so Balkan for some reason.
V: Fantastic guitar break underscoring the otherwise very spartan composition. Doris looks like she’s about ten foot tall.
03 France
B: I adore the claim “C’est l’amour français, un peu libéré”!
A: Composers Georges and Michel Costa may have been involved in some big-hitting numbers elsewhere, including three winners, but this was never going to add anything to their trophy cabinet. It’s the kind of thing that feels like it should be anathema to France. The chorus isn’t bad, but it’s that thing again of wishing they’d just get on with it and stop faffing about: it all feels so laboured. (At least there’s a key change to pep things up.) But everything already sounds the same and we’re only three songs in. I hope they sounded completely different live.
V: [Checks] Yes: worse. The combined vocals of the four of them amount to less than what one decent singer and a handful of better backing vocalists could have provided. The orchestra does what it can to lift the song, but there’s not much to work with.
04 Norway
B: I love these lyrics, and the lines “Men da æ ønske ‘velkommen ombord’ / Fikk æ høre et par velvalgte ord” in particular. I’m a sucker for knowing self-deprecation.
A: Now this is much more accessible, and actually sounds like it’s playing at the right speed. I’m inclined to sing along, so it must be doing something right.
V: I’d already seen snippets of this performance so I knew how daft it looks these days, but it’s not nearly as OTT as it could be. Great vocals, and this is the first piece of music to actually sound like it has a purpose in life.
05 United Kingdom
B: “Go back in time till I get to when / I took your heart like a runner in the night” is the only pair of lines that exhibits any of the flow that a song with a title like that should. The rest are all very disconnected.
A: Was this a chart hit or just three minutes of Eurovision? It seems kind of familiar, even though it’s only the second time I’ve listened to it in this context. Maybe it just has a recognisable sound. Well, they all do, but you know what I mean. Here the brassy bits are very SAW Bananarama even if, sadly, the rest of the song isn’t. It’s OK, if repetitive.
V: Competent enough, but it still sounds like it was written in someone’s granny flat.
06 Iceland
B: ‘Never deposit and only withdraw’ indeed.
A: The strings add a touch of class to this, which is synthesisers ahoy. Rather melodramatic opening: they clearly wanted to make an immediate impression. The chorus almost seems like an afterthought, sounding more like a verse. Oh, hang on... that was a verse. Awful “time’s up” ending.
V: There’s honestly not a whole lot to like about this: it’s as though Iceland’s taken all of its inspiration for its debut from the worst excesses of the contest. The song certainly doesn’t contribute anything to it. Our Eiríkur always puts me in mind of that kid in Mask.
07 The Netherlands
B: I find the line “Neem de tijd voor alle dingen” absurdly amusing.
A: I get it that it’s meant to be about the rhythm, but the chorus here could do with some work. It’s not exactly abounding with either frizzle or sizzle. I like the vocal arrangement though, even if it is happily married to the music, which is itself deceptively layered and suits the song well. Deciding to crank it up a notch for the last 10 seconds is neat, but is also like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. Or in this case after it’s just stood there doing nothing for two and a half minutes.
V: At least their outfits are more palatable than the ones they were sporting in the postcard. Good vocals, and effective (if unimaginative) choreography, but neither go very far in disguising the song’s weak points.
08 Turkey
B: Top marks for everything about the line “Peri kızı gel... değdir değneğini”. Halley’s comet seems now like such an obvious choice for 1986 that it’s a surprise only Turkey made something of it. Do you think there’ll be a Klips Ve Onlar: The Next Generation trying to better this at ESC 2062?
A: Surely the least Turkish-sounding Turkish entry ever. Which is presumably why it did so well, comparatively. You wouldn’t think it came from the same composer as Sev. I suppose it’s quite good. I’m having trouble telling them apart, to be honest.
V: They look like a bunch of office workers with pop-star aspirations they know they’ll never fulfil but who’ll give it their all in a we-wrote-this-in-our-garage kind of way.
09 Spain
B: ‘Champaña y seducción’ sounds just right in Spanish.
A: If nothing else, we can’t complain these songs weren’t a product of their time or failed to reflect contemporary trends in music. This one doesn’t do a lot that’s different, but the way it’s spliced together works very well. It’s only the second song so far that makes me think: yes, I can see why that won its national final.
V: I wouldn’t go so far as to say I like this, but it stands out a mile from virtually everything else so far.
10 Switzerland
B: I don’t know why, but I particularly like the line “Je suis méfiante de ceux qui ont des expériences”.
A: God, it’s almost a relief to hear Switzerland doing something that sounds more old-fashioned and with some proper orchestration (the latter in particular). I love the flutey bits in the bridge. This is pretty strong actually, and composer Atilla Şereftuğ must have been inspired by its success to return a couple of years later with the eventual winner. The piano is very Richard Clayderman.
V: Très together, and ironically more straightforward than most of the other entries so far. I’m glad of the pink trim on Daniela’s blouse: the rest of the stage seems to have had the colour blanched out of it.
11 Israel
B: The lazy repetition of these lyrics is mind-numbing, even if they do mention “ha’ahava she’ein la shem”!
A: Talk about outdated: there are ’80s elements, but the core of this needs carbon-dating.
V: How I wish this was as vocally appalling as the rest of it is.
12 Ireland
B: Horrendous lyrics.
A: There are a lot of hints at the beginning that this should turn into something decent. Instead it unfolds as a blatant copy of whatever that song is I can’t think of, rendering the fact that it’s quite catchy pretty much void. And Ms Luv Bug doesn’t sound like she could be counted on further than the walk from the recording booth to the control panel of the Calrec Soundfield Microphone.
V: There’s no let-up this year, is there? At least it sounds better than I thought it would.
13 Belgium
B: I love the fact that a word like ‘poussière’ is still so beautiful in French.
A: The Maessens are back! And joy, frankly: I know Sandra says “Ne m’en veuillez pas / Je suis née comme ça”, but she has such a shrill voice. That said, I get the appeal of the song. The verses are flat, but soon pick up with the bridge, and the chorus is catchy. However, it all stops being interesting and refreshing after a couple of minutes.
V: Well, it makes perfect pop sense on a night like this.
14 Germany
B: Not entirely blatant political message draped in romance here. I quite like the lines “Wir sind zu Gast nur für einige Zeit / Auf diesem Stern voll Licht und Dunkelheit”.
A: [Rolls his eyes.] I know it’s not Germany’s fault – well, actually, I suppose it is – but it’s just so... German. Good vocals in the chorus, which really lift an otherwise predictable arrangement. It gets better with the key change, and while it mightn’t have the Swedish touches to the composition, it’s better than Luxembourg. Marks a somewhat belated return to the contest for composer Hans Blum (last seen three times in the 1960s).
V: German challenges Finnish for the title of least attractive sounding language at times, but the music and vocals work well together. Nicely controlled performance which isn’t at all boring.
15 Cyprus
B: I like the drunken holiday romance feel to this.
A: This is the one that was once voted worst ever entry, right? Not that I’ll let that sway me. [30 seconds later] Doesn’t sound any worse than most of them. In fact it’s easily the most upbeat thing on offer, and that will almost always score points with me. Puts me in mind of the theme tunes to shows like Moonlighting. I really like Elpida’s voice; it sounds like she could smoke sausages just be sighing at them. [Almost up to 3 minutes] OK, I ask you: how is that the worst song in the history of the Eurovision Song Contest? It’s better than the winner if you ask me.
V: Still can’t see (or hear) what’s so wrong with it. It’s no masterpiece of music or performance, but it’s still better than a whole lot of stuff so far. And you’ve always got to love a bit of audience participation!
Addendum: This was composed by the same guy as Why Angels Cry??!
16 Austria
B: I wonder whether “Die Zeit ist einsam und sie ist müde / Sie ist müde, dich zu suchen, und bleibt steh’n” refers to a halfway decent Austrian entry?
A: I knew I was going to hate this within about 10 seconds of it starting. Well, ‘hate’ is a bit strong I suppose, and the piano-led bits make a nice change from almost everything else. But it’s just generally so irritating. I feel like I want to slap Timna Brauer with her lame-sounding German lyrics and ineffectual arrangement.
V: You’ve got to wonder what the song that came last in the national final was like sometimes, don’t you.
17 Sweden
B: I’m not normally into songs where much of the chorus is the backing vocalists repeating what the lead singers have just said, but it works really well here. It would work well as audience involvement, too, if any of them spoke Swedish. The last line – “E’ de’ det här du vill?” – sounds like it’s directed at them.
A: I love the way the bassline sounds at times like it’s doing its own thing. Predictable but nevertheless wonderful ending. Never change, Sweden!
V: What the hell were those outfits on the backing vocalists about?! The leotard on the little guy is far from the only thing about this performance that leaves nothing to the imagination. It gets on my nerves after a while, but I can see why it managed a top 5 finish.
18 Denmark
B: When you read all of these lyrics they’re actually very self-aware and playful.
A: Thank god for ’80s Denmark, too! This seems ridiculously upbeat for a song with a title like that – and with a chorus presaged by the question “for ved du hva’ du er?” you know it’s gonna hurt – but it suits it rather well. All the ingredients are there as far as I’m concerned. Well, I’d prefer the key changes to have been effected a little better, but still.
V: No surprise there was only a point between this and Sweden: you’d be forgiven for confusing them. Does what it says on the tin just as convincingly.
19 Finland
B: Finnish reads and sounds at times like a language someone’s made up to sound as unpleasant as possible.
A: I can’t believe that’s the first saxophone of the year. Were they more of a late ’80s thing? They must have thought they were on to something with this. It’s put together as a ballad should be and is quite strong, after all. Just sounds a bit awful, unfortunately.
V: Were they any good live? They had a very experienced team of backing vocalists. [Investigates] Well, yes, great vocals all round. But the song and delivery strive for a sympathy they’re never going to get.
20 Portugal
B: There’s been so much sensuality and raw emotion in Portuguese entries over the years. I love the idea that “O lado bom de passar contigo” is “As crises curtas”.
A: Just as I knew I wasn’t going to have a lot of time for Austria, I knew pretty much straight away I’d have plenty for this. The bass is doing its own thing again while the rest of the composition skips along, but it underpins it all perfectly. We have much to be grateful for that arguably the most overlooked of countries in the contest never got petulant about its lack of success and gave the contest the finger it so often deserved.
V: This is fun in a way that makes you realise that even if most of the others that should have been had tried to be, they still wouldn’t have. Been. Great end to a rather trying contest.
And so to the points…
1 point goes to Finland
2 points go to Belgium
3 points go to Spain
4 points go to Sweden
5 points go to Germany
6 points go to Denmark
7 points go to Cyprus
8 points go to Switzerland
10 points go to Norway
and finally…
12 points go to…
Portugal!
The wooden spoon is awarded, with relish, to Israel.
No comments:
Post a Comment