01 United Kingdom
B: Reading the lyrics, this could be a very sad ballad.
A: Some of the choices in the instruments (the brass in particular) give it that kind of nuance. Obviously it’s not though. The arrangement is simple but very effective, and at 40 seconds plus, the chorus works perfectly as a hook. The final bar is a great ending, working well with the twist in the lyrics.
V: Great orchestration, perfect vocals, simple routine: Eurovision at its most accessible. They look like the cast of Man About the House.
02 Switzerland
B: What was the obsession with downtrodden buskers in the 1970s? And has any other group performed at Eurovision so often in so many languages? So many questions.
A: This song makes me think Mary Poppins done by the Carpenters. It’s a rather jaunty arrangement for something so depressing. There are two acts musically but they complement each other nicely. Hate the comedy ‘boiiiiing!’ ending.
V: And people say Eurovision these days is all about the gimmicks... I like the strings here, but not the way they so clumsily compete with the rest of the music: they render it all a bit off-putting, as though something somewhere is refusing to gel.
03 Germany
B: “Wenn Lieder diese Welt verbinden / Zerstört sie keiner mehr” sounds cheesy and naive, but there probably would have been a lot of people in the Baltic States in the early ’90s who’d argue the point.
A: It’s the theme to The Goodies! Even sounds like Bill Oddie on vocals. It’s interesting that in the English version the German pronunciation of the title is retained, so it comes out like ‘zing zung zong’. Overall it’s rather repetitive, but not hopelessly so.
V: The Black backing singer (if that’s not underplaying her contribution) looks fab, but unfortunately les Humphries do not. They sound much better on the English bits than they do on the German, but the overall impression is of something rather ragged. It’s big enough that it should sound huge and compelling, but it doesn’t.
04 Israel
B: I think it’s fair to say that isolation has been a recurring theme in Israeli entries.
A: This sounds like it should have come out of a TV show as well – albeit one slightly later in the ’70s. There are some very disco touches to the vocals, but I’m bored of it by the halfway mark. Not that it does much that’s intrinsically wrong.
V: Fantastic vocal arrangement, which has always been the best thing about this song. Looks a bit half-arsed as performances go, like they kind of worked out some choreography but could never really be bothered following it through.
05 Luxembourg
B: This reads as French...
A: ...but it doesn’t sound like it. I’ve had more than enough of this by the halfway mark, too. I’m not sure it has any redeeming features. It doesn’t even have a decent melody. And are we even in the ’70s?
V: Jürgen gives us his best take on ‘overacting child’. The only amusement comes from his bow tie appearing almost as bouffant as his hair.
06 Belgium
B: Very ahead of its time I would have thought, with lyrics like “...un soir changer de peau / ... / Avoir un corps comme un roseau / Les yeux tout vides / Mais pas de rides”.
A: Does this sound a bit like the verses from Hotel California? Pierre treads a fine line with his delivery, trying to make it sound more meaningful. I like the music, rather stripped back as it is (and yet still melodious, something Luxembourg couldn’t manage), and it has a lot to say that’s surprisingly worthy. Hasn’t really got much of a voice in the end though.
V: The orchestra blends well with the acoustics and percussion here, but Mr Rapsat’s vocals get a bit lost at times. Great backing vocals – not that they have a lot of scope for buggering it up.
07 Ireland
B: I adore the lines “Your love was written in the sky / But at the time, I never looked so high”.
A: Note-perfect predictability, but I think that helps here. This has the potential to be really big, even a winner maybe, but it lacks the strong, clearly defined chorus I’d like it to have. The ending goes a long way to making up for it, however.
V: You can’t fault the vocals here, but I don’t believe the performance for a second: patriotically green Red’s imploring looks just seem so contrived and calculating.
08 The Netherlands
B: These lyrics don’t really work for me.
A: Divine Karen Carpenter vocals in the verses, and I like the contrast of the lone violin against the full-voiced choir, but suddenly it turns into Those Were the Days. And unlike Switzerland, the two musical approaches feel lashed together. The ending seems odd, too. Maybe I’m just missing something.
V: Love that eyeshadow. The way this makes the transition from studio version to stage is astoundingly good, towering over the Swiss entry.
09 Norway
B: I get what this is saying, I think, but the allusion seems a little strange all the same. And what is it with Norway and their song titles? Casanova, Mata Hari, Romeo...
A: Ooh, this sounds promising. [Waits] Well, the chorus is more like it, but the verses are a bit laboured. Ms Strøm has commendable if rather irritating diction.
V: There’s not a lot wrong with this, but Anne Karine’s gold-sequined, bell-bottomed catsuit is stronger than her vocals, and I can understand it coming last.
10 Greece
B: This is about what – Cyprus? Not exactly a barrel of laughs in any case.
A: And there I was assuming this would be some gentle acoustic ballad! Ms Koch’s delivery is captivating but not exactly pretty. The music actually comes across as out of place with these lyrics, unless it’s designed to underscore how wrong the whole situation is. Hugely brave for only their second entry, but a bit hard to take.
V: A thoroughly different prospect to the Norwegian entry, and I dare say more worthy, but in its own way it’s just as easy to pick as something that’s not going to set the scoreboard on fire. That said, I like it a lot more. The audience clearly doesn’t know what to do with it.
11 Finland
B: My favourite lines here come from the Finnish version: “Pylly vasten pyllyä / Kuumat väreet aikaan se sai” – ‘Put your bottom next to mine / It gave us warm vibrations’! I’d forgotten there were ‘and friends’ on this, so the lyrics seemed a bit odd when I was reading lines like “You are the man of my life” thinking Fredi was singing them.
A: Mind you, he does chime in on them. Maybe the juries were just as confused by this and forgot to give Finland more points. Maybe there was some age-old conspiracy to deny Finland (and Portugal) deserved higher placings? The chorus is easily the most uplifting piece of music so far this year.
V: Fredi is as gloriously rotund as ever. He, like his song, is fab. Naff, but fab.
12 Spain
B: Great lyrics.
A: The chorus here is quite unconventional in its way, and there’s nothing especially jingoistic about the instrumentation or [the wonderful] arrangement, either. And yet it all remains so identifiably Spanish, which is nice.
V: Sounds terrific. The conductor’s a bit of a looker, isn’t he?
13 Italy
B: I love the idea of corti vestiti being prati fioriti.
A: Pre-renaissance, this was Italy’s only entry not to be 100% in the mother tongue, wasn't it? Probably a shrewd move, although this is still comfortably Italian, even if it’s not a million miles from some of ABBA’s stuff. It flirts with disco but quickly decides that a balalayka thingy is the way to go, and quite right too.
V: This is a shambles, which is a huge let-down given how good it should be. Romina sounds like her father bought her a recording career, and Al Bano doesn’t appear to know the words to his own song.
14 Austria
B: Is ‘Waterloo & Robinson’ really that much catchier than ‘Kreuzmayer & Krassnitzer’? This is the winner of the cheaper-by-the-dozen award for its lyrics, but I suppose that makes it easier to latch onto.
A: Adventurous this is not. Annoying accents.
V: Mr Waterloo looks like he has some Cherokee in him. Possibly on a regular basis, considering how camp the performance is.
15 Portugal
B: “Gostar de ti é um poema que não escrevo...” The south-east and south-west of Europe have a monopoly on oranges and wheat and pine trees, don’t they?
A: This is fado for the mainstream, and absolutely to die for.
V: Carlos do Carmo may look like a frustrated history teacher, but he’s got one of the most engrossing voices Eurovision has ever heard.
16 Monaco
B: Monaco singing about Paris is just one of the factors that makes it seem like this and Un, deux, trois should be the other way round.
A: This proves that Monaco was able to come up with something vaguely modern and catchy when it wanted to. (For which read: I like it.) Great chorus; bit of a wakka-wakka overdose, like Hawaii 5-0 on the Côte d’Azur.
V: Lots of elements here battling for supremacy, and I’m not sure who or what comes out on top. Ms Christy has a nice frock. Is she singing into one of those things you hit a gong with?
17 France
B: Thumbs up for “Ma politique à moi / C’est d’être aimée de toi”. Catherine Ferry makes that three very not-French sounding names on the French songs.
A: This is Puppet on a String sped up a bit, isn’t it? Another good chorus, except they forgot to repeat ‘1, 2, 3’ about a hundred times more often than they do. I could do without the street musician interludes, and it loses its appeal towards the end, but it’s well produced. It’s another economical entry as well, with less than five minutes total between this and Monaco.
V: Very attractive. A clearer winner and runner-up you could not get.
18 Yugoslavia
B: Love the lines “Ne molim da se vratiš / Al’ molim te da pamtiš / Voljela tebe samo sam ja” – there’s something beautifully compact about the Balkan languages, however depressing they seem to be.
A: This has a fairly routine chorus in terms of the vocal arrangement, which is more interesting elsewhere, but the voices themselves are good. Doesn’t go all that far though.
V: That male vocalist! That hair! Those super-tight trousers! No wonder there was no hiding his pain. This is somehow simultaneously airy and intense. I’m rather impressed.
And so to the points…
1 point goes to Greece
2 points go to Ireland
3 points go to the Netherlands
4 points go to Monaco
5 points go to France
6 points go to Finland
7 points go to Italy
8 points go to Spain
10 points go to the United Kingdom
and finally...
12 points go to...
Portugal!
A deserved wooden spoon is awarded to Luxembourg.
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