A year with a handful of great songs, but one in which Ding-A-Dong winning still makes sense.01 The Netherlands
B: I’ve always wondered whether the otherwise incongruous ‘alright’ in the first line of the chorus is meant to be accompanied by an explanatory shrug.
A: Completely daft, of course, but what does it matter? I love songs where the first chorus is more or less over before 30 seconds are up. I also like the fact that it doesn’t overstretch itself: when it’s said what it has to say it shuts up. The strings in the chorus hint that with a change of lyrics it could have been a decent ’70s ballad. If Mama Cass hadn’t been such a depressive most of the time she might have sung stuff like this. On acid.
V: Just the performance it needs: slightly daft-looking but very together vocally, and boppy in a way that underlines the fact that the song’s a harmless bit of fun.
02 Ireland
B: I hate the line “Ladies and gentlemen of the whole wide world”.
A: Minus two. Sounds like a song the Brady Bunch would have recorded. The sentiment is nice enough, but really, this kind of stuff should be left to the likes of Israel or Germany. Only the second song and already I’m thinking wooden spoon.
V: There’s nothing much wrong with this, but there’s not a lot to write home about. It looks as though their feet are nailed to the floor. Do you think they went for the hideous blue outfits just because of the second line of the first verse?
03 France
B: I’m not sure I really like these lyrics, as they make a rather odd paean, but I suppose there’s a lot to be said for the role art and entertainment play in our lives.
A: Strings and piano – I couldn’t really ask for much more. Ms Rieu has the perfect voice for this kind of song, which builds very nicely indeed.
V: Permtastic! Not sure about the green eyeshadow, or what Nicole keeps glancing at – the conductor’s bouncy hair, perhaps. Nice performance though, and the audience clearly likes it.
04 Germany
B: These lyrics could come across as sentimental in that peculiarly German way, especially in the title, but here it all (once again) makes me think Mama Cass and Make Your Own Kind Of Music and therefore seems more... right.
A: This works for me on just about every level, despite the saxophone! The arrangement boasts a lot of great touches. I’m assuming Joy Fleming couldn’t pull it off live, although that would surprise me. I can’t think of any other reason why it would have fared so poorly.
V: I wonder whether there was something Freudian in our Joy painting herself as a blow-up doll in the postcard. I also wonder why all three backing singers were drafted in from the UK when only the final chorus was in English. Great performance, although most of the vocals are drowned out by the ruckus coming from the orchestra pit.
05 Luxembourg
B: The lyrics here are quite odd; I don’t really get what it’s saying with its mix of tenses.
A: Brave of Luxembourg to pick someone whose French pronunciation even I could better. Again it’s one of those songs where I like the verses much more than the chorus. What’s with the marching music at the end??
V: The sheer loveliness of the strings and piano fade into insignificance when you’re confronted by Geraldine and the most blatant non-accent in the contest’s history. She’s hardly the strongest singer in the world, either. The whole thing’s a bit disjointed.
06 Norway
B: ‘Summer’ must be the most blatant phallic metaphor in Eurovision history.
A: Despite the fact that this is nicely composed – I like the way the chorus has a touch of desperation and uncertainty to it – you won’t find me lavishing praise on Norway this year.
V: She looks like a metronome.
07 Switzerland
B: Depressingly honest in lines like “…zeig’ niemals ein Gefühl / Wenn dich was nicht angeht… / …Mikado, spielt heute jedermann”.
A: Yes, Switzerland, whatever. The playfulness of the music might be in touch with the game at the heart of the lyrics but I wish that was why they’d chosen to compose the song that way rather than more obviously going for that solid gold Eurovision sound.
V: I don’t know whether it’s the way this was shot or just the way they were cut in the mid-’70s, but all of the dresses are making the ladies look about 16’9”. Ms Drexel bops about convincingly enough but doesn’t look like she’s enjoying herself in the slightest.
08 Yugoslavia
B: I like the realistic description of the titular day as one which “da ti vse in vse ti vzame”. Thematically this is not dissimilar to Switzerland in the sense of never knowing when it’s all going to slip through your fingers, but at the same time it is essentially a lot more positive.
A: Whilst still being rather forgettable. Not even ABBA went for quite that much of an echo in their songs, on which you could justifiably claim this to be based.
V: She’s got to be Regina’s mum, no? I quite like the country twang that comes out here, and the harmonies are great. And not that it has any bearing on this entry, but I had no idea that Pepel In Kri provided Toto Cotugno’s backing vocals on Insieme: 1992.
09 United Kingdom
B: Is ‘magic moon’ a euphemism, do you think?
A: It’s not hard to tell this has been produced by people who know how to put the ‘pop’ in ‘popular music’. I love the “Won’t you show me you care?” bits before it goes into the chorus.
V: Slightly listless, despite having more energy than most of the entries so far put together. That said, it stands out within about half a bar, and sounds fantastic.
10 Malta
B: It’s a showdown between this and Teach-In for the most banal “cheer up” lyrics.
A: Not nearly as enjoyable overall as the Dutch entry, but parts of the composition do stand out (such as the guitar). It’s unlucky to come straight after the UK: it sounds like any number of previous British entries.
V: That outfit!!! Almost as bad as the song. Renato does his best to inject the energy into it that the orchestration is lacking, but just comes off looking a bit of a twat for his efforts.
11 Belgium
B: It’s strange how the two halves of this song seem to be saying completely different things: the English bit is all ‘I love being with you’, but the Dutch bits appear to be a treatise on social isolation. Or am I reading too much into it?
A: The sound here seems a fairly predominant one, either for the mid-’70s or mid-’70s Eurovision, so I’m glad it’s one I quite like. But again the chorus struggles to stand out enough.
V: Backing-vocalist timeshare was clearly popular back in the day. Ms Christy has such a Dutch mouth! Great performance that really lifts the song.
12 Israel
B: Joyous lyrics, which also provide some fantastic fnaar-fnaar value in lines like “At krova kmo geshem / Al roshi ve’al panai / Vehamaim shebefi leta’ami”. Ze rak sport indeed!
A: This is one of those unusual Israeli entries that just sings a song and doesn’t have an agenda, and therefore I’m much more disposed towards it, especially when it’s this poppy and together.
V: Does what it says on the box. Pity it feels so empty when you jiggle it up and down though.
13 Turkey
B: The ‘la la la’ aside, I do actually like the words here. I wonder if “sevişmek bir dakika” is true of all Turkish men.
A: I like the arrangement, too. But it reminds me of Ukraine choosing to go with Hasta La Vista for their debut, thinking it was an unbeatable combination of Eurolyrics and Euromusic: all told it’s rather faceless, and it would be easy to understand why it was overlooked if I didn’t suspect it was largely due to xenophobia.
V: Semiha’s rather striking in the postcard, so it’s odd to see her on stage looking about 12. I’m glad of the touch of melodrama she injects to her delivery; it goes some way to making up for the awkward pregnant pause in the middle of the song where she just stands there wondering what to do with herself.
14 Monaco
B: I love the honesty of half of these lyrics, in that I fully agree that a lot of songs are simply what people would otherwise kill to have the courage to say to someone. But that’s pretty much undone by the assertion that the only things worth saying as such are the equivalents of “Je t’aime” and “Partons tous les deux sur ce navire”.
A: Interesting timing to the music, which lifts it slightly above the blandness it threatens to bog itself down in.
V: Poor Sophie’s so faceless no one even knows her last name. And I think you can see why from this performance.
15 Finland
B: There’s a sort of homespun romance here to scenes like “In some valley he lives free, where his notes ripen on the trees / Underneath the harvest moon”. Couldn’t abide a life like it myself, but still.
A: This is lovely – so different! – and underscores for me how consistently good the Finnish entries were in the mid-’70s. Wonderful harmonies. Pihasoittajat are a bunch of dags, but this is country music.
V: The harmonies are even better live, but it’s all far too static: the guys on the stools inject more movement into the performance than the singers.
16 Portugal
B: It would be almost sacrilegious to criticise a song this meaningful, so I’ll keep it to saying that “Que o canto assim nunca é demais” is an understatement in terms of Portugal’s contribution to Eurovision around this time.
A: I’d like this to sound a lot bigger and more powerful, but that may be because it’s the live version I’ve got making it sound a little tinnier than it actually is. Mr Mendes certainly performs it well and gets the wealth of emotion across. Still a little lacking though, perhaps.
V: Even when it’s not sounding tinny, I can only paraphrase what I just said: very well-performed, but still missing that extra something.
17 Spain
B: I wholeheartedly agree with “Pero no te importe si alguien piensa / Que has jugado y perdido” if it’s the right thing for you.
A: Deceptively simple, given how layered the arrangement is, and quite delightful. Could do without Sergio on it, but it makes sense having it as a duet I suppose.
V: Mind you, Sergio is rather attractive in a prim and tidy kind of way. Can’t really hear him for most of the song; this is perhaps a good thing. Some of the harmonies sound a bit dodgy.
18 Sweden
B: Jennie is quite clearly a troubled girl if the lyrics of the verses are anything to go by: “Your diary’s confessions are like signs that the ocean erased forever from the sand”. A thoughtful song, but not a complete success.
A: The chorus confounds almost all of your musical expectations, which is a plus.
V: Dark jackets offset by enormous, brightly coloured lapels were all the rage in 1975: he looks like he’s wearing origami. Decent performance of a song that, in the end, just makes me shrug.
19 Italy
B: Love these lyrics, especially “Era… arrossire in pubblico (L’amore) / Era parlarsi in codice (d’amore)”.
A: Italy always tended to bring something different to the contest, and here’s no different. The way the bass works almost separately from the rest of the music is great, and there are more brilliant melodies. Classy.
V: Their voices work really well together, and the song just exudes… something. I can understand why it wouldn’t have been everyone’s cup of tea though.
And so to the points...
1 point goes to Israel
2 points go to Spain
3 points go to Yugoslavia
4 points go to France
5 points go to Belgium
6 points go to Finland
7 points go to Italy
8 points go to Germany
10 points go to the United Kingdom
and finally...
12 points go to...
the Netherlands!!!
The wooden spoon goes to Ireland.
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