01 Turkey
B: Everything about the line “Yeter bu sonbahar yeter” and what it’s saying is right.
A: This is a triumph of minimalism: rarely are there more than three instruments in use at the same time, including voice. Rich, beautiful piano. I’m not a fan of the accordion, but it’s perfect here.
V: Sounds 100% the same live as it does in studio. I love how all the girls are wearing short skirts in a last ditch attempt to inject some sense of modernity into it. The one on the accordion with her specs on is as cute as a button. Lovely assured vocals from Şebnem.
02 United Kingdom
B: “Like a child, but it’s more than a phase / Could act the angel, but it wouldn’t be true” are rather clever as lyrics to brainless pop go.
A: Quintessential mid-’90s dance music, mostly because Motiv8 remixed everything in existence at the time. Aptly enough, after Turkey, it’s an example of the UK trying once again to drag the contest into the modern era (and having little success). It still sounds remarkably good if you ask me.
V: Huge cheer from the audience at the beginning, and they go bonkers for it at the end. If they’d introduced widespread televoting a few years earlier, I wonder whether it really would have been the runaway winner everyone feels it should have been. It’s massively energetic. The video effects are tacky – as they are throughout the show – and so is the dummy computer. I mean duh, we get it, it’s programmed. Gina’s vocals take a bit of a detour here and there but they clearly know where they’re meant to be going.
03 Spain
B: I love the whole ‘caramel and honey’ thing and the lines “Quise mirar al cielo y ser / Un horizonte de estrellas y mar”.
A: Antonio Carbonell is a bit love-him-or-hate-him, but the music is gorgeous. There’s not a note out of place. Fabulous arrangement.
V: He just does his own thing with no compromise at all, and does it brilliantly. I wouldn’t want to run into those backing vocalists in a dead end on a dark night.
04 Portugal
B: Elision gives lyricists in certain Romance languages carte blanche, doesn’t it. (That’s where the Slavic languages miss out. No wonder Balkan entries are all about five lines long.) As per Spain’s caramel and honey, here I love the honey and salt, which seems more incongruous but at the same time much more Portuguese. I also love that despite the tempo and the sheer volume of words, there’s still the languor of “Vem juntar o teu ao meu sabor” and “Preguiça doce e boa, vai de lá, vai de cá”.
A: Ukele-yay! I used to have one just like it. Fantastic harmonies.
V: Fantastic vocals generally, but especially in the chorus. This sounds so much better live, it had to be said.
05 Cyprus
B: Beautifully written.
A: One stirring piano-led ballad with a string accompaniment, please. I’ll forgive it the electric guitar solo, since the rest of it’s so good. Plus it’s right in my register and I know all the words by heart :-)
V: Fifth great-to-outstanding vocal performance in a row.
06 Malta
B: The lines “No pride can save me, I’m down on my knees / ... / Just keep right on heavin’” amuse for all the wrong reasons.
A: Bargain-basement pop with oddly unnatural English. It must be Malta! You’d have thought they would’ve learned by now, but no, they seem to think it’s a tried and tested formula, despite the fact that their biggest success has been with ballads.
V: Pink, perky Miriam’s got an unusual voice. I’m not sure that’s a good thing here.
07 Croatia
B: Perfect rhythm on the line “I dok hladna kiša pada na grad, tko zna gdje si ti sad”.
A: It goes without saying that it’s fabulous. Even the screaming’s spot on, artistically. The instrumental break could almost be from an Irish entry when you listen to it.
V: Love! It’s as though she’s saying: “Look at me, Gina G! My choreography actually means something!”
08 Austria
B: I’d always assumed this had something to do with God because it’s gospel and I misinterpreted the title, so it was refreshing to discover it’s not. I’d love to hear a gospel number about doing the vacuuming or something equally banal.
A: They pack a huge amount into these three minutes and should be praised for it. It does everything a gospel song should.
V: You’d be hard pressed to outdo those backing vocals. Fantastic. Such a quality performance.
09 Switzerland
B: I like the lines “Qu’il n’y avait qu’à lui sourire / Et lui mentir pour lui appartenir”.
A: Malta and Switzerland make such easy targets, don’t they? This is join-the-dots stuff. The vocals – both up front and in back – are so weak, like no one could really be bothered. Still, I’ve always liked it for some reason. Enough to sing along to, anyway.
V: She looks like Australian comedian Jane Turner [Kath out of Kath and Kim – Ed.] doing a piss-take of some proper singer who takes herself a bit too seriously. Good performance again, but she has the kind of voice that makes it sound like a fluke.
10 Greece
B: I love the caution that’s thrown to the wind in the line “...ola osa mathame, asta na perimenun”.
A: Refreshingly unorthodox timing. I’ve always liked this a lot, too. Once you get over the novelty of the rhythm, there’s not a lot else to it that’s as absorbing, though the overall impression is of a nicely composed piece.
V: We can see Marianna’s belly button. How daring! The choreography is very fey, but the backing vocalists in the tight trousers are a sight for sore eyes.
11 Estonia
B: These lyrics go a long way to showcasing the beauty of Estonian.
A: There’s just something very special about this generally. It builds beautifully and so effectively to that last big chorus, before gently stepping back again. The majority of Estonians still name this as their favourite Estonian entry.
V: Aah, Maarja – voice of an angel. I love the way she ceases all extraneous movement for the high note. Elsewhere, Glen Pilvre (on keyboards) looks like an old man who’s left his teeth in a glass of water on his bedside table. I’d never noticed until watching it again just now that the audience tries to clap along, even during the first verse. Bless! But you can see why it was the favourite to win after the final dress rehearsal.
12 Norway
B: “Elven renner stille hen over sletter, skog og eng / Men på sin vei... gikk den over stryk og stein” is lovely.
A: Speaking of things special, this is just glorious. Music, lyrics and vocals work in absolute harmony. They couldn’t have chosen better for a home (or Norwegian) entry.
V: Perfect, apart from the backing vocalists’ outfits. The final note is beautiful. It’s amusing to see that the well-attired in the plum seats are still of the posh variety that give a sitting rather than a standing ovation.
13 France
B: Thumbs up for “Gleb ho taoulagadoù dre forzh c’hoarzhin / Ha didrouz ho klac’harioù”, both for the sentiment and how weird it looks.
A: This never really stood a chance against Ireland, trying to beat them at their own game – even though it’s by no means their game alone. A worthy attempt all the same, especially from France. But I can’t say I’ve ever taken to it. It just seems to find a line it’s comfortable with and repeat it over and over again, musically and lyrically. The full-length version’s bagpipe ending is wonderfully Highlandesque.
V: Indeed – they should have ditched most of the words and left the instrumental outro in. The blonde singer looks vaguely like whatshername out of Fleetwood Mac, while the guys in the background look like they’re playing car parts. I quite like the way the vocals aren’t 100% in tune with one another, figuratively speaking, and literally on a couple of occasions.
14 Slovenia
B: These lyrics don’t look very pretty, but they turn out alright in the end.
A: There’s something admirably hopeless about this from the outset. Perhaps, again, that’s why I’ve always had a soft spot for it.
V: Awful outfits across the board. Green is not Regina’s best colour (and singing, as it turns out, is not her strongest suit). She looks like she’s gatecrashed a funeral. There’s just nothing imaginative about this performance at all.
15 The Netherlands
B: Love the phrase ‘stapel op jou’!
A: This is a typically well-paced and well-structured three minutes of pop from the Netherlands that covers all the bases. Great harmonies.
V: There’s more life in the first 30 seconds of this than there is in the whole three minutes of Slovenia. Terrific vocals again. Effective choreography which is also completely unobtrusive.
16 Belgium
B: This has some quite good lyrics. I titter at the line “Liefde is een steekspel van geven en nemen” but truly like “Wou je mij verslinden / Zonder je te binden?”.
A: If the Swedes had done this at the time and saved Friends the bother of plagiarising it five years later, it might have turned out OK, in a more identifiably schlager style. The Belgian production just sounds cheap, and given how hard they obviously tried to give it an easy-to-remember melody, it’s strangely off-putting.
V: Hopeless, although that’s no reflection on Ms del Bo.
17 Ireland
B: There’s real poetry in some of these lines.
A: I resented the fact this won, at the time, but can’t recall why; maybe I was bored of Irish victories, or rooting for Gina G. Looking at it now more objectively, it’s arguably Ireland’s best entry, and more than worthy of winning. A product of its time it may be, but it’s timeless, too, and quietly powerful. Eimear Quinn has a divine voice: it’s so pure.
V: She looks fantastic, too. This certainly had everything going for it.
18 Finland
B: Good for practising your Finnish pronunciation, this.
A: Utterly fabulous! And clueless.
V: I love it when she gets her own lyrics wrong.
19 Iceland
B: It strikes me as a bit desperate, this song – the only one in 1996 to flaunt the language rule as brazenly as many would the following year.
A: I’m loving the jazz though, and it has a great middle eight. Well, it’s more towards the end, but you know which bit I mean. Kudos to Iceland for consistently doing their own thing.
V: Good backing vocals, and cute routine.
20 Poland
B: There’s something so raw about lines like “W każdą noc, kiedy pragnę / Znów zakrywasz twarz / Czy naprawdę tak miało być?”.
A: Piano and strings again, but this couldn’t be further apart from Cyprus. It’s perfect. What an amazing run Poland had between 1994 and 1999*. And look what’s happened to them since. Where did it all go wrong?
V: You can read every note on her face. This is one of the most honest performances I’ve ever seen, anywhere, right down to the way she clings to the sleeves of her dress the whole time. Which as remarks go is a bit disingenuous, I know, as it appears to be designed that way, but still. I’m glad we never get to see her smile.
*With a slightly less successful poppy interlude in 1998
21 Bosnia and Herzegovina
B: I admire the alliteration (of sorts) in “Za našu ljubav, samo živim ja”.
A: Within about five seconds of those keyboards and that first “ahhhh” you just know what this is all about. It sounds like it was written in someone’s lounge room to be sung at their sister’s wedding in 1984. Heartfelt vocals save it from musical oblivion.
V: Great vocals aren’t enough to distract me from the fact that an entire poultry farm must have been sacrificed for Amila’s hair extensions.
22 Slovakia
B: “Občas bývam krutý / Ako každý kto má sny, dávno prežité” make a great pair of lines.
A: I’ve always wished they’d introduced a proper beat in the chorus here: it deserves it at some point, but never really gets it. As a result, the song tends to drag, rather interminably in the second verse in fact – which, fittingly enough, contains the lyrics above. The longer (original?) version reveals the oomph it should have had injected into it much earlier.
V: It must have taken Marcel an age to get the face fuzz just right. Barring the picnic-rug jacket, he and his song stir me in the right places. Classy vocals from all concerned.
23 Sweden
B: “Vintern den sänker sin slöja och bäddar in husen” makes a great opening line.
A: Not that you need the lyrics to get the wonderful wintry feel this song has. The vocals are spot on, and the Swedish sounds great, especially simple things like ‘snöflingor’. It’s quite Enyaish, which is presumably why it did so well. That this, Norway and Ireland made up the top three may be testament to their quality, but it also shows very clearly where Eurovision was at during this period.
V: This just sounds magnificent. Nanne and Maria look like they’re out of a mid-’90s Swedish version of Desperate Housewives.
And so to the points…
1 point goes to the Netherlands
2 points go to Cyprus
3 points go to Finland
4 points go to Croatia
5 points go to Portugal
6 points go to Sweden
7 points go to Norway
8 points go to Ireland
10 points go to Estonia
and finally...
12 points go to...
Poland!
The wooden spoon is awarded to Belgium.
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